Maybe Say Yes

Posted on January 3, 2012 by Holli B

No...Maybe...YES!It’s been an age, but I’m still here. Still heavy and for the most part, healthy. I’m a believer of truth in advertising and when I wasn’t feeling so healthy, I didn’t feel I could honestly post in this blog about it. I know, it would have been the best thing for me, probably, allowing me to work through the issues that I was having. But for me, taking the break and reassessing everything was my first, best response.

So here I am, MONTHS later, and we have just embarked on the year 2012. Did you do the good thing and make resolutions? Did you decide that at the stroke of midnight on January 1, you were going to dispose of the bread and cookies and cake and you’d subsist on a very healthy diet of raw carrots and celery?

No, I didn’t either.

I do not believe in resolutions. January 1 is an arbitrary date. If you are going to do something, July 13th is as good a day as any, to be honest. What’s wrong with January 3rd? Today is the day to begin. The minute that inspiration hits you and you decide that the change needs to take place that is the moment that it begins.

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Loving the Heavy You

Posted on May 6, 2011 by Holli B

I just read an article entitled ‘Jennifer Hudson Claims She Was Discriminated Against Because She Was Heavy‘ and it was so enlightening. She said that she didn’t realize that she was being discriminated against until she lost the weight and people became more receptive to her. That is certainly true, especially in the entertainment industry. You can get more parts and you will even have more success as a singer if you’re thinner.

I’m taken back to the ’90s when there was controversy with the singer Martha Wash who had been a member of The Weather Girls. I remember looking up to Martha because she had an amazing voice, but I thought she was beautiful as well. She was heavy, but she always seemed comfortable in her body – something that I didn’t feel myself. But even though she had a powerful set of lungs that singers wanted to use on their albums, they didn’t want her to appear in their videos. So C & C Music Factory and Black Box had thinner models miming to Martha’s voice. Horrible.

And Jennifer Hudson realizing that more people are aware (and receptive to) the thin Jennifer is of no surprise. But what I love is that when she looks back at how she was, she still has a sense of fondness. She thought she looked good and she still thinks she had it going on – even with the weight on her. And that is a fabulous attitude.

Take away: If you’re carrying extra weight, you should still believe that you’re amazing – RIGHT NOW! Love that body of yours and treat it well.

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A Very Special Thank You

Posted on April 29, 2011 by Holli B

I just finished doing Turbo Jam and I live to tell the tale. Sure, it was just the 20-minute workout, but it was a workout! My body has been thoroughly worked and I will be able to do a second 20-minute workout later this evening.

It’s been a while since I’ve put my body through the paces, so the hour-long workouts are not yet in my immediate future. I know my limits and I am certainly not interested in burning myself out before I can gain any traction.

But back to my thank yous…

  • To my thick thighs, I thank you for always holding me up and having the strength to follow through on the kicks.
  • To my thick arms, I thank you for putting the power behind my punches.
  • To my healthy heart, I thank you for beating just fast enough so I get a great workout, but not so fast that I have a heart attack.
  • To my strong lungs, I thank you for providing me with enough oxygen so I don’t get dizzy and faint from exertion.

I know that some of the thickness in my limbs, belly, and other places will lessen the more I work out. I look forward to that happening. But for right now, I’m thankful for my body being just the way that it is because I have to say, it functions more than fine for me.

Love yourself right now, even in the midst of your transition.

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Time to Declutter

Posted on April 28, 2011 by Holli B

It's a New Day!

Well, it’s that time of the year: Spring Cleaning!

I’m reading a book on decluttering and I don’t think I’ve ever had something hit me so close to home before. It’s a wonderfully joyous book because it showed me that when you declutter, you need to declutter everything. So I’ve been letting go of things that I no longer need in my life. One of the things I don’t need is this extra weight.

Now before you think I’m going back on my previous talk about how you can be healthy while being heavy, I will always be heavy. No, I’m not relegating myself to some unhealthy lifestyle. I am being realistic and basing that statement on the following truths:

1. I like my muscular build
2. I love food
3. I don’t feel that I need to be thin

Because of my musculature, I will tip the scales at least 40 pounds more than I appear to weigh. And because I love food, I will never deprive myself!

I want to feel more comfortable in my body and I was in that position the beginning of last year. If I lose any more weight than that, that’s okay too. But I am not focusing on weight. I’m eating better and making sure that I work out (which is the key to losing weight for me). I want to reinforce better living habits rather than being on some ‘diet’ (which you all know I am firmly against). But even when I get to my ideal weight, I’ll still be over 200 pounds. I’ll still wear a size 16. And I will still be healthy.

I’ll be posting my progress here occasionally, sharing the good, the bad, and the possibly ugly. LOL!

Bottom line: It’s all about being healthy for me, not being skinny.

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Ready for the World

Posted on March 2, 2011 by Holli B

Long time, no write.

I know you all missed me, but I needed these past few months to get my head together and to allow myself to come out of my slump in my own time.

Spring has now sprung, so that means it’s time for me to do the same.

Last night I went to the gym for the first time in ages and when I came home, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. It was like I was seeing myself for the first time and I cried out, “When did my belly get so big?” I then jumped on the scale and the numbers told the story. I disregarded the fact that I had outgrown most of my clothing and I ignored the extra set of double chins that greeted me in the mirror each morning.

Truth is, I needed that moment when my eyes were truly open and I could catch myself unawares. (And boy, did I.)

It was truly an eye-opening experience, but it’s my reaction that I’m most pleased with. It was… different. Instead of beating myself up (which is SOP), I told my belly that it had served its purpose but now it was time for us to part company. It felt nice to come from a positive place instead of restarting this journey because of negative feelings and self-loathing.

So there’s no dieting, on calorie counting, and no obsessing (except for exercise – and that is moderate). I know what I need to eat, so I don’t have to get caught up in the numbers. If, after a while I’m not seeing progress, then I will go back to logging. But the number one priority is to BE HEALTHIER.

Take away: Love myself enough to make the right choices and treat myself as the amazing person I know I am.

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